Squish Squash, Sling that Slang

I have nothing due this week until Thursday. Thursday I have two major papers due but - get this - they're both the "final draft" of different parts of papers I've been doing all semester. So I get to spend an hour or two making it all flow and then formatting it to be pretty. And that's it. This is going to be the best week ever. Maybe I'll have time to read one of the books I bought last month, watch a DVD, or hit lvl 30 on my Shaman. I already had time to prep this entry real good and post it early - I may even blog more than once this week (gasp shock). The only major downside to life at the moment is that it snowed over the weekend, so going outside is going to suck. Time to bust out the wool coats and long underwear.

Megabling Monday
I made up the word Megabling, but I think it's totally rad.

Does anyone else here think rap music is actually pretty fun, except for all the times it sucks? Wait, no... allow me to clarify. I'm responsible for two accounts at work that look up articles about Russell Simmons, so I've had to read way too many articles in the past year about the crap going into and coming out of the rap industry. Hip Hop artist feuds, Don Imus, Russell Simmons rap "summit," - barf. Obviously the style's root's are deeply intertwined with rebellion and black culture, but somewhere along the way, mainstream rap became a symbol of a very specific set of things. I think there must be an actual physical check-list of requirements for mainstream rap songs. I'm sure you can think of most of the elements - it's a fun group activity if you want to get your friends involved.

So I don't dislike rap, it's just that 90% of it is about junk I don't really care about. Making an entire song style only about a certain type of (fabricated) lifestyle is like if someone decided that that all science fiction had to be about robots turning on humans, or that all piano pieces had to be in the classical style. There are so many other things! Arbitrary and invisible borders are totally whack.

So screw all that. Here are some hardcore rap antitheses tracks. Enjoy, yo.

I Scream! - No Cutting Corners -- It seems that Parappa the Rapper released a CD. Don't get your hopes up - it's not very good. The games are set apart by the ridiculous situations of each individual level, which isn't really doable on an audio CD. Instead, Parappa sings about all the topical things his under 12 fans will really relate to. I picked this song because I liked the chorus more, but all the tracks are mostly interchangeable and the same themes appear pretty frequently.

* Drugs and guns are bad
* Stay in School
* Eat your vegetables
* Friends are the best thing ever.

The songs really aren't that great, or particularly compelling or relevant to anyone who is out of grade school, but it's fairly fun and notable for the fact that the topics discussed make this pretty much the most direct rap antithesis ever.

Kim Possible - Ron Stoppable - Naked Mole Rap -- Is there a white boy nerdier then Ron Stoppable? No. Is there a less hardcore thing to do than to have him rap about Rufus the naked mole rat? Not likely.

One Piece - 4kid Opening - One Piece Rap -- The great thing about this song is how hard it's trying to simulate mainstream rap. It could not have failed more. If 4kids hadn't actually been trying to pass this off as the legit opening of the show it would have been hilarious. Set sail for One Piece. And in case you missed it, One Piece is the name of the treasure in the Grand Line. Just so we're clear. Ya yo.

Veggie Tales - Stuffmart Rap -- A very heavily Christian media group using rap as it was meant to be used - to say a lot of stuff really fast.

Bonus Round - Rap Battle Breakdown - The freestyle rap battle is a fascinating part of rap culture, but after watching enough battles degenerate into "your mom" lyrics and comments on the opponent's sexual preference, they're relatively difficult to watch in a non comedic sense. Taking a cue from the epic potential the rap battle has, I present the following.

Parappa the Rapper 2 - Noodles Can't Be Beat -- Giving Parappa a second chance to wow us. I haven't yet played the second Parappa game, but this is probably my favorite song on the soundtrack. It's a full on rap battle about whether noodles are the greatest food ever or not. Parappa... wins? By default I guess. The beats and lyrics here are surprisingly tight.

Video: Avatar: The Last Airbender - The Tale of Sokka -- The ultimate freestyle battle. Sokka proves that the epic rap battle can transcend even rap itself. This video is available in two flavors - multimedia size (11mb) and the excessively "pimped out" version (40mb).